jump to navigation

Motherhood 22 October 2015

Posted by uggclogs in Life.
trackback

I was uncertain about motherhood going into it. Not because I didn’t want to be a mother, or because I wasn’t sure whether I would like it. Not even because of the identity crisis some women go through when their life changes this drastically. 

But simply because I wasn’t sure whether I would be any good at it. 

There are plenty of mothers that probably shouldn’t be mothers. What if I was one of them? This has been a fear of mine since I can remember contemplating motherhood. 

I don’t like games. Especially physical ones (think red light green light etc) and somewhere along the line I’ve picked up a heightened sense of my own awkwardness. I am also (I hate to admit) a sore loser. So when you are a sore loser and physically awkward, you avoid games. This may be a problem when it comes to motherhood. 

What if I am not warm? I’ve often been told I’m cold, stoic, standoffish. Not that you would know that from my CV, where I am “approachable” and “friendly”. I’m not sure what makes me standoffish, it might be a combination of my height (and the physical awkwardness mentioned) and a need to suss people out before I reveal too much of myself. But not exactly traits that ooze motherly charms. 

And finally, what if I’m not patient? The little cherub will need time. Lots of time. And attention. Even more attention. And there will be moments where, as a mother, patience must run deep. I lack in that department, too. 

Then I looked at my examples in life, and thought; if I can be but 10% of my own mother, in strength, love, patience and warmth, I will be ok. Emulate your mother, I thought. 

And finally, bubba came along. 

And I no longer wonder if I will be a good mum. Because all I want to be is the best mother I can be. For bub. It’s as if someone gave me a bag of tools when bubba came along. 

As I carried the capsule out to the car the very first time, I started caring less about my awkwardness. I blow bubbles toward the child and I sing songs out of tune. None of it matters. 

With the portacot I ordered online arrived a whole new level of warmth. It’s kisses and cuddles, tickles and laughter. 

And as the daily routines descend like a blanket over my life, patience has poured out of me in ways I didn’t know I had capacity for.

So I worried for nothing. 

I am the best mum I can be to the best bub that there is. We have been perfectly matched and I am the happiest I have ever been. 

I’m sure I will make mistakes. But they will not be from lack of love. 

Advertisements

Comments»

1. cicorm - 22 October 2015

“I am the best mum I can be to the best bub that there is. We have been perfectly matched and I am the happiest I have ever been. ” Great thought! Enjoy the adventure! 🙂

2. elimaro - 23 October 2015

No worries, you are a good mum!!
Love you!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: